Cleared Path
Tonight was a landmark night. I set out with the goal to make some sketches of the rose photo and to prepare my mind for making the painting. Let me just say that I haven’t created something so life-like in a long time. At the end I sat there still for a moment just grinning from ear to ear. What lay before me was turning point…
Exhale
I actually painted the other night (now that I have cleaned the art room/studio). It is a watercolor painting with three segments on the page. One segment with colors of fiery red and orange; one in simple black and grey; and the last in blues and greens with a touch of red. With no idea in mind it sort of formed itself. The brush had a chiseled tip and it was like painting with a calligraphy pen. As I have looked at it in the days that have followed I realized that for me it could represent various emotions. But I think it is best described in the terms of my three year old son: a bubble with red grass… flowers… and water.
Moving Forward
Hired a babysitter and got the studio in order. Will create things again in the near future. Interstingly enough, the babysitter was an 18 year old that I started babysitting when I was 14. She was only 8 months old. I still can’t believe her parents trusted me.
Point of View
Everyday is pretty the much same thing for me. I have moments of laughter that remind my face how it feels to smile. And moments of anger that deepen the single wrinkle between my eyes. I struggle through feelings of blah-ness, frustration, guilt, loneliness, and others. And I often feel this inner pull to scream and get things around me under control. But I don’t give-in to it for fear it would scare my kids.
Defining
There are so many ways to define artist. In many ways an artist is anyone who chooses to take their creative energy and use it outside their body. Maybe they use it in music. Maybe in dance. Maybe in sculpting or painting. Nonetheless, when I think of defining myself in the artistic world I realize that I truly believe I am not yet an accomplished artist. At least, not on the level that I want to be.
Patience
Ideas of grandeur are usually too lofty to attain. I am lost inside a world of endless laundry, unquenchable little mouths to feed, and a house that resembles some really wacky way of organizing nothing. Which I realize the last thing makes no sense. But it is precisly what I mean. I have very little ability to control my surroundings to make them excactly what I want them to be in order to rest or move on to the tasks which I really want to accomplish (i.e. my studio).
In the Works
Coming home from vacation can be a highlight or a let down. In the case of coming home today, it was a highlight. Our wooden beams welcomed us and the smell was familiar and warm.
Dreaming
All too often I find myself wishing I had time to do things other than whatever I am doing at that moment. I wish for art-time, quality-time, mid-life time, whatever. Just time to do something that would bring me a moment of peace.
Deeper
There are so many juicy things I could write about, but I can’t find the right way to get them out on to paper. Maybe I just don’t like to make myself that transparent.
Vacation
Everyday on vacation feels like a free pass to do whatever you feel like. You embrace the freedom the deepest way you know how and you hope for peace inside, even if just for a short time. Here at the beach life just seems to breath a little slower, even with three little people in tow.