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July 24, 2006
There and Back (with MORE Pictures!)
So, you want to know about the show? After a long week of anticipation and stress, I am simply a blend of various emotions and feelings still. I had no idea what to expect from the whole ordeal and now that I am on the other side, I feel relieved. But I find myself pensively mulling over the next step.
First off, I really didn't think I could go through with it. Joe and I arrived at an old warehouse down this not-so-busy road lined with other warehouses on both sides. I was filled with anticipation and uncertainty. I wasn't sure if we were in the right place and I wasn't sure if wanted to continue the adventure even if we were. We drove around the block a few times trying to figure out parking and the exact location of "Lazertown!". Once we knew it was, I felt like I couldn't go through with it. We started to see some people going in and out of the building, and I all of a sudden was overcome with an acute consciousness of my appearance. Like I was going to a new school and feared that everyone was going to chastise me for even thinking I could be cool. I had a total freak out. I felt so insecure and so scared that I was having trouble breathing and thought I was going to throw up. These feelings of self-consciousness swirled around me and tied my stomach into knots. Terrified that they wouldn't accept me I had almost decided to back out. But my husband had total confidence in me and reminded me I would only regret it later. So, we stepped out on to the curb and strolled up the sidewalk and into the building, apprehension following me with every step.
No one was inside the narrow hallway. The floors were old and made of wood. They had once been painted but most of it was worn away. No clear sign was posted to tell us where to go. But eventually we noticed a hand written address label on one of the mailboxes. We figured we should take the elevator up to the designated floor, but we couldn't get the door open. Some guys came in were really nice and welcoming. My fears started to melt a little. When the elevator arrived they open the door and pulled the gate across and we climbed into the ramshackle little thing that it was. No lie, it was like something they use in the movies for a drug hang out. But minus the badly done graffiti, it was pretty cool.
So, we got in to the room and asked a few questions then picked out my spot and made a few trips to the car. Once, everything was set up and we left I knew that I was in for the journey and was ready to see how the night would go.
Later in the day I left Joe with the kids and went to meet a friend. We got to the show and found out my stuff had been moved and my display table was being used to hold an amp for the bands that were playing later. I tried to be cool about it, but was a bit annoyed by the whole thing. Basically, I reset myself up and waited to see what was going to happen. We met some neat people and saw some good talent. I truly know I wasn't the best, but I felt good about my stuff. Nothing sold, but a few people took long looks at my work. I got a few compliments. But wasn't too sure of their sincerity. But it was fine.
All in all I am glad i did it. But the next time around will be a smaller more local thing, where I don't have to feel like I have to dress a part or try to fit in somehow. I will someday do a gallery show that much I am sure of. But only time will tell when that will come about.
It was a good experience. I needed to be exposed to more than my little world. I needed to be reminded that there are many people in the world and many different types of friends to find. I enjoyed getting to know people and hanging out with other artsy people.
It is late now and I am not sure that any of this makes sense. Thanks to all of you who said a prayer for me and encouraged me on this endeavor. I am grateful for your friendship! Many blessings and a good night...
On side note-- the show wasn't very big. I think most of my stress before the show came from the idea of being a part of something really big that would be filled with a lot more artists.
UPDATE: No copyright laws will be broken apparently, so here are the rest of the pics:
A closer look at this. This girl makes really cool glass blocks that look like ice. They were awesome!
Posted by mindy on 10:47 PM | Comments (3)
July 21, 2006
Night Before
So, tomorrow is the show. I've got five framed pieces, two matted ones, and a few small things. I am also bringing a portfolio of things I have done over the years just to take up space. I have no idea what to expect, but some photos on "Flickr" (tracked down by my hubby) showed that it is very low key. There may be a bit of debauchery, but, heck, I'm not planning on joining in.
Anyway, I'm not really nervous. I think it will be cool to see what people think. I got complimented on my abstract painting (view entry called "Exhale") by a woman helping me at AC Moore. She really liked it and it made me feel like painting her a little one just for her to enjoy. So, maybe someday I will do that.
But tonight I am going to get my stuff ready to drive up to Philly tomorrow... Wow. Did I really just say that? ME in Philly?! Weird, I never really pictured myself doing anything like this. I just figured I'd do little things, but this is in a really big city. And it is happening to me!! Crazy. Okay, maybe I am a bit excited. It would be so cool if I saw people I know there. So, if anyone wants to do something funky Saturday night, please come! Directions can be found on google and the address is here on the site under "Showings."
Check out the entry labeled "Fair." I added the painting I made for the friend whose mom is no longer with her. Not a great shot, but someday the "Gallery" link will be finished and I’ll put a better one in.
COME OUT TOMORROW! If not, thanks for your support here... It really means a lot! (smile)
Posted by mindy on 09:44 PM | Comments (1)
July 19, 2006
Just shoot off my drawing hand, why don't ya?
I am racked with emotions right now. That big exciting art show is only two days away. And I naively thought I had something of worth to show. I took my "prized" painting to a frame shop to get it matted, when finally asked about the piece the woman was looking to confirm her thoughts that it was a painting of conch shells. Conch shells!!? It is supposed to be a rose... Or maybe a peony at best. But shells? I was crushed. I didn't even feel like getting it matted anymore after that.
Okay, let me step back a minute an fill everyone in on what I painted. After sketching the rose picture, I felt that the photo I was working from was too blurry to render a real likeness in paint. So, I chose another photo (one I saved from a magazine). I took on the project with zest and energy thinking I could capture it. After many long nightly hours, I decided to hurry through it and just get it done. In the end I was happy with its likeness knowing full well that it was not a masterpiece. It lacked depth and perspective. It wasn't proportional and was in need of a lot of professional tips. But, alas, I am an amateur and can only do amateur work.
Anyway, it makes me angry when I look at it because I know it isn't perfect. I mean, come on, it was interpreted as conch shells! Albeit, she was looking at it upside down, but still. If you can't tell what a picture is from every angle than you haven't conquered replicating what you see. The poor woman was careful not to make too many comments about it at first. And once she did, and was wrong, she tried really hard to throw in some encouragement. But it was too late. The pain was twisting in my gut and pulling at my brain. I kept hearing myself think "ouch" and "Ugg, I am such a moron! Why did I bring this here? I am so stupid." Every time I play it over in my head, which has been several thousand times now, I feel like I am being punched.
This was a total blow to my ego. See, I was envisioning being at this art show and being "discovered." And having someone ask "How much?" and I would offer something over $100 and they would flatteringly say "Are you crazy? It is worth much more than that!" But I tend to "script" scenarios in my head all the time hoping for the "wow" factor to finally be mine. I do it with everything, from I what I cook, to what I say, to what I create, to what I look like. To just know that I have "wowed" someone with what I can do. That is really personal, but true. Maybe if I put that ugly little beast out there it will run away from me and leave me alone. The truth is though, that if anyone gives me "props" I get really embarrassed and wish I could hide. As much as I want the acceptance, I hate the attention. In fact, I probably started this blog with the idea of getting some acceptance (i.e. the bit about asking for comments). But if I talk to people in person about the stuff on here I get all choked up and want to run far away from the conversation. Which is silly, but the anonymity of blogging is its appeal.
So anyway, here is the painting. I take pride in teaching myself how to capture the water drops. I had to look in books and practice a little before I understood how to make them appear 3D. It lacks a lot of perspective and must be labeled abstract, especially since it could be mistaken for the inside of conchs. I guess I can see how the colors are similar. Oh, well. I will press on. I have a few paintings framed and ready for LAZERTOWN! Hopefully, I won't feel like slithering under a rock when I am there. I fear being put to shame by others who have "mad skills." (see “Napoleon Dynamite” for correct meaning)
If you've read down this point, thanks for listening. Pray against fear. It took me two hours to get to sleep last night and that was without the mistaken identity of my painting! And once I did sleep, two of my kids took turns waking me up. When I awoke in the morning the family was sleeping in our room, minus the three year old who missed the party. And yes, he noticed...
P.S. Are we all so insecure? It seems to me, the more I really get to know people the more I realize that everyone hides their deep, embarrassed self. Burying it way below the surface until finally they crack and the truth erupts and out comes the hot lava of self-loathing, jealousy, and feelings of inadequacy. Just curious... Good night
Posted by mindy on 10:30 AM | Comments (4)
July 06, 2006
In Broad Daylight
Today was a little crazy. At first there was not much going on. When I picked up my youngest son from day camp around noon, I learned that a little friend of ours may have broken her arm while at daycamp. Although I never saw her or her mom, the injury sounded like the kind that sends out the panic alarm. I guided my little one to the car and then went to pick up a pizza. I paid for the food and left a little tip in the counter jar. Then I am not sure what I did next. But by the time I got home I realized I was missing my wallet.
So, I searched the car frantically getting more annoyed with myself as the seconds went by. Brought the kids and food in and called the pizza place. They had nothing to report. So, I put the baby in her high chair and gave her some watermelon. I sat my son in front of the electronic babysitter and left my husband in charge while I went back to the pizza place to look around. (Normally, leaving my husband in charge isn't a problem, but today he was on sick leave for good reason.) Given the problem at hand, I had no choice but to momentarily volunteer him for a little kid time. I got back into the big ol' minivan and headed back to Rosa's.
Nothing outside... Went in and still didn't see anything. Asked if anyone turned it in and the answer, of course, was "no". I left my info and went home knowing my hubby should be resting not dealing with little people who have no concept of our crisis at hand. Upon coming home, my husband was ready to cancel the cards and get the whole "lost wallet" protocal into action. I decided I better grab the babe and head back to the pizza shop and get down on my hands and knees and really look around. I found nothing. I left my name at the four shops in the center and even checked a bag of trash in front of the pizza shop. Nothing. My daughter had no intention of getting back into her car seat at the time. So, I took her into one of the shops and bought her a lolly (and found myself some sympathy in a yellow bag of Swedish Fish) to keep her from screaming for the ride home.
My husband was already calling to cancel credit cards when I got back. He asked me if I had used one to buy gas today. I said "no." Then the fear set in. We had to file a police report and waited paitiently for the trooper to show. We gave him what we could and he was off.
As it turns out, the theif managed to use a card a few times at various gas stations/mini marts. After we cancelled all the cards, the trooper called to inform us that "whomever" had attempted to use the card 8 more times without any success up in Parksburg PA! Go figure... Someone not only found my wallet, but they also found a way to use what was inside.
So now for the aftershocks. I am going about as usual just waiting to find myself in some horrible movie-like sequence. The theives have my license, so they know where I live. They have a picture of me, so they know who I am. I guess I am just scared. What is going to keep them from coming to my house to get more from me then they already have? Fear is not something I like to hang on to on a daily basis. So, if anyone out there would like to say a prayer for us, please do so. Ask God to hide us from any evil, including that which only grips the mind.
Posted by mindy on 11:05 PM | Comments (5)
July 04, 2006
Fair
"Life not go that way, mom. You know dat?" These are the words that sometimes come sailing out of my three year olds lips. Somehow, in his short time here on earth he has gotten the concept down already.
Life really isn't fair. What do you do when the rug is pulled out from under you and it sends you flying into the air only to land you square on your back in disbelief? I have two people in my life who have recently lost their mothers due to some freak accident or medical issue. I think of their pain and wonder what feelings they go through on a daily basis. The highs and the lows. The crushing pain of loss. No one replaces a mother. Nothing replaces that sense of secruity and peace. Nowhere on earth can you get away from those feelings and relax again. I wish I could give them a sense of peace and replace what their aching hearts need. But it is not my ability to do so.
Fortunately, there is always faith. Trusting in the perfect love of God. So many times we despair on our own and we feel so cheated by the lack of fairness in our lives as compaired to others. I get sad when I think of these friends and can only hope that they will find peace through the Living God.
I became inspired to paint a picture of peace for them.
A soothing mix of bright metallic paints in gold and silver. Along with shades of blue and grey, there is a yellow that seems like light. The picture is of a freefloating wing painted in metals and light blues with a sweep of grey under it and a frame of yellow above and around it. I just want it to bless her and give her a vision of peace.
I painted a few little things but haven't gotten them up yet, but at least I did them.
Posted by mindy on 10:04 PM | Comments (0)