Heaviness
Where do I begin? My heart has been wrenched a bit in the last few days. I recently opened my eyes up to the pain others are going through/have gone through out in the big wide world. Not that I didn’t believe it was all happening, but rather I chose to not be informed because of the way it tore at my soul. All of the seemingly hopeless situations that abound out beyond my little world.
It began one night as I watched part of Spike Lee’s “When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts,” I was jolted into a time and place that left so many in pain. This is documentary about Louisiana and hurricane Katrina. Only a year ago. It was a bitter pill to swallow. I felt overcome by the thought of so many loose ends people are trying to tie back together. Like children who may have been displaced from their families and wonder “where are they now?” Are they just stuck in some shelter somewhere or dead? The idea of bodies floating through the water… here in America! Left for days, maybe even a week or more, while the living were still trying to be herded to safety. My heart gripped for hope as I felt the sinking feeling of despair and anger those people must have tasted.
Then the other night I watched a movie called “I am David” about a 12 year old boy who escapes a labor camp after WW2. Great movie about courage and an ironic sense of innocence in a young boy whose childhood was stripped from him. Again, jolting me into a time that I would much rather forget. It’s conclusion is sweet though and joyous, but it left me feeling sick from shear sadness for so many in the world who have suffered and still are suffering.
The list goes on… Refugees, persecuted groups, wars, child abuse, death, mean kids, mean adults
It just can get so overwhelming. The fact that I feel so useless and so closed up from it all. I had thought for a long time that I would be a missionary… to Africa. That I would bring a ray of hope and joy to so many who need it. I know there is still much time and much more God has for me.
But what really digs deep into my heart is the fact that I am in charge, with my husband, to raise three small people whom God can use to spread His message of hope. Three little minds in need of learning and training. Six little hands that can be taught to give rather than take. Six little legs that need to learn to stand firm for what is right and just. And three pairs of eyes that must be opened gently to the hurting, suffering, and yet still wonderful world awaiting them. HOW… How is this done?
May the God of wisdom steer us all… Stop and breathe. Be thankful for your bed and sheets and blankets. Be thankful for people who smile at you. Be thankful your life is still in motion for you to change it. Be thankful for hope. Be thankful it isn’t you who suffers unthinkable fear and heart-wrenching pain. Be thankful for whatever things bring you joy. Be still, get direction, and act.
