I am THAT mom
The other day I crossed over from being a plain old mom to being THAT mom that makes their kids life at school miserable. Upon trying to give my son a “healthy lunch” (mistake number one), I made him a new kind of sandwich. It was a whole wheat wrap “Fluffernutter.” Marshmallows and peanut butter, a classic. Sort of…
First, we had no “Fluff”, so I cut big marshmallows in two and after applying the “all natural, pure” peanut butter to the wrap I laid the marshmallows across one side and rolled it up. It looked good, so I made one for me too. But as I tried to chew the unsweetened peanut butter I realized my mouth was totally not salivating and I felt paranoid that I might choke. I concluded that I needed to add something sweet, so I chose jelly. Once I took the second bite and felt my mouth reacting the correct way, I then un-peeled my son’s wrap and did the same to it. I stuck it in the lunch box and put it in the fridge for the next day.
My son checked his lunch box before we left and approved of its contents. (Not that he would have any other choice if he didn’t approve.) After school I asked my son how things went. Everything was good except for lunch. He calmly told me to never give him that sandwich again. I asked why and he just said because he didn’t like it and didn’t give any other details.
We got home and picked up my husband and proceeded to the “shop” where our other car’s oil had been changed. My husband then proceeded to drill our son with the same questions I had for him. But when he got to the lunch question things went very differently than when I addressed him. Ethan said “horrible.”
“Oh, geez. What didn’t he tell me?” I thought. The poor kid then went in to the details of how his class mates said, “What is THAT? What IS that?” To which he replied that it was a Fluffernutter wrap. This only sparked more controversy beacause they then said, “But it has jelly!?” They just looked at him weird and asked him if he was REALLY going to eat it. Being that he knows to eat the “healthy” items in his lunch before the treats he reluctantly began to eat the concoction. (One detail I left out was that I was pretty tired when I got around to inventing that wrap and when I added the jelly unevenly I didn’t really process the affect it might have in the long run.) He continued to tell us that it was really messy and that the jelly kept dripping out the bottom making his hands really sticky, especially since he had to keep using them to wipe up the jelly that had fallen on his pants (right on the crotch area, mind you).
My husband then looked at me and said, “What were you thinking? Second graders don’t want wraps. They don’t even know what they are!”
I sighed and thought of all kinds of reasons why I thought it was fine, minus the drippy jelly. I remembered the daydream I had while making it. The one where everyone at his table says that I am the coolest mom and how they wish their mom made them new kinds of sandwiches. And then my son smiles and joyfully eats his cool wrap while he and friends laugh about silly things and act like carefree school kids.
I am snapped back into reality by my husband voicing his revelation about the situation. He said, “Oh my goodness. You are now THAT mom. The one who sends their kids to school with the funky healthy lunch.” I sat frozen. How could I have been so thoughtless as to the repercussions of such an invention? I looked back into the tear-filled eyes of my second grader (who, incidentally, was uncomfortably sandwiched between two car seats and hardly able to move) and apologized whole heartedly. He said he didn’t forgive me. Understandably so. After groveling for a few minutes he caved in with forgiveness. I vowed to never send him to school with an abnormal sandwich again.
The next day I told him if I ever did anything like that again he could use the excuse “My mom is an artist. She just likes inventing new things,” he quickly said “Mom?! NO! You promised.”
Oh well, there goes that artistic outlet…
Oh, my! I don’t know whether to laugh or cry! I feel equally bad for you and for Ethan. It’s really so sweet that he tried to save your feelings. Don’t worry about it too much- his friends will move on to picking on someone’s homemade sweater (ala Ron Weasley) in a few months.
This is heartbreakingly funny, although mortifying for Ethan so I feel bad for laughing. Maybe it’s one of those cry when it happens laugh about it later situations. I agree with Susan don’t worry- we all had at one time or another, a mom who was THAT MOM, and I am sure as the great mothers we all are, we will be THAT MOM many times over. I liked your my mom is an artist excuse, Ethan should keep that one in his backpocket especially when the teenage years roll around. In addition to being an artist, I think you are a writer too. You should send this to a mom’s magazine or family fun-its publish worthy!