Shades of Grey
Where to begin… My life is not my own… once again. Just one more thing. A big thing. It takes over in the morning and propels me into deep sadness. Overwhelming anxious thoughts. Feelings of lack of control flood through my mind. I realize I have so little strength. I wonder how I can fight with the evil. I don’t feel mean. I don’t feel angry, just scared… stuck… hurt… alone. What does it all mean?
These are dark times in some ways. In others, they are like every day before the incident. But I am left with this new me. A scared me. A me that is afraid to move forward. To see others, to be around them. Afraid to feel tired and overwhelmed.
I am tired. Tired of fighting with this new found anxiety. Tired of fighting this new pain. Where? Why? I just don’t understand… any of it. I just want my life back. Somehow I have crashed. I ran off a cliff and the climb back up looks perilous and impossibly steep. How did I get down here? What happened to my body? I was fine. I was healthy… happy… even/balanced. Now I am unpredictable, unstable, unsure, un-me…
Where did I go…
