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February 26, 2008
Keep Breathing
Deep breathing is an exercise most people have to learn. I, for one, am a shallow breather and all of the ridiculous sighs I have let out over the years were a sign I never saw. Moments of frustration, or deep overwhelming thoughts, would cause my mind to trick my body into drawing in a deep breath and release it in a loud wind... unconsciously, of course. A sigher, I was. Just as my father before me. His sighs were a sign that things were not going good. My siblings and I were aware that "the sigh" was a sign that things were starting to get out of control. Whatever the event, the control was not in it anymore.
Don't get me wrong, he never really lost it in some berserk, foul-mouthed, loose-handed way. But with the sigh came the self-loathing. The feelings of not being good enough and not being able to ever rectify your mistake. My siblings and I all know that my dad loves us very much, but those years of the sighs have deep roots of dissension and disagreeable feelings.
So, I have this knowledge now. I understand that MY breathing is one of the things "askew" in my system. I am working on it. When the unconscious urge to sigh begins I try to make myself take a few deep breaths and feel the air exit slowly, not loudly, and repeat it.
Retraining something that you do automatically wrong is difficult... But quite a learning experience.
Here is a song that I thank Ingrid Michaelson for... "Keep Breathing" Find it here in the little music box on the right side... enjoy!
http://www.myspace.com/ingridmichaelson
Posted by mindy on 10:06 PM | Comments (1)
February 18, 2008
The Wee Hours
Its 1:30am and I have not been able to fall asleep completely since 10:30 when I went to bed. I was tired and ready to sleep... but my body wouldn't let me.
I know that stress and anxiety are a part of life. But something is askew. Every time I was falling asleep tonight I would wake up taking a deep breath and feeling tingly in my limbs (a sign of not enough oxygen, I think. Or just adrenaline that wont shut up). So I am stuck being awake at the wee hours with no idea how to go to sleep. I drank herbal tea with valerian (a natural flower extract used to relax). I took a melatonin (a natural sleep aide). Still nothing. Not sure what to do. I have three kids who are going to want to get going in the morning and I will probably be in a state of sleepy cortisol rush. I dread waking up.
Since last October I have been told various things about my health: recovering from mono that I didn't know I had; anxiety disorder; allergy issues; asthma... All of those things can go along with a weakened immune system and adrenal issues. And recently one of my kids was diagnosed with pneumonia, maybe I have that now. Whatever it is I do not like it.
What happened to the old me that was able to live a fairly normal life? Ugh.
Posted by mindy on 01:36 AM | Comments (1)