The Mini-Van
Where to begin? Mini-vans in general are ridiculous vehicles that somehow have become the all-american family hauler. We drudge our kids in and out of them for most of their lives and the damage inflicted upon that poor car is immense. How bad can it get, you might ask. Well, it can be down right scary!! I finally got around to picking up all the crud off the floor and vacuuming that sucker out at the local gas station just the other day…
While continually dropping in quarters into the industrial (life-saving, mind you) vacuum I started to realize that the problem was deeper than I had originally assumed. Any space between the back of the front seats and the trunk door was fair game for total and complete despair. Not only were the crumbs glued in places only a Q-tip could forge out, but, there under the very back seat, was a dried up riverbed of orange juice lining the edge of one side of the carpet and crusting down between there and the “tire wall” (or whatever you call that inner part of the car that goes over the tire). Of course, I only saw this by lifting up the “protective” floor mat. Now, I know that a good mom would have throughly cleaned up that mess within a reasonable amount of time… But reason is not one of my strong suits. Moving on… I followed the bank of that canyon up it’s steep slope by way of a lone dried up waterfall to the cup holder that once held the doomed orange juice. Nasty. Upon further investigation I realized that none of the juice landed in the holder. It must have been de-lidded and left to ride along with us in the wonder-van… juice sloshing where it may. I barely remember when the river occurred, but I have a faded memory of someone saying “oops… sorry mom, I didn’t mean to. QUICK give me a napkin!!”
Then I noticed the other cup holders to have similar dried up streams of various misdirected beverages… The droplets frozen in time as they clung for life opposite their friend “Mr. OJ” on the car’s other “tire wall.” To top it off there were islands of black gunk stuck to the seat. It was black simply because it had been sat on enough to have covered every bit of stickiness with lint. Sigh.
So, here is how I rectified the situation. Being the HUGE fan of Kirkland (aka Costco) wipes, I went inside, grabbed the nearest pouch of them and headed into the war zone. This goo had no holds on me, I tell you. I went to work with this single pouch (88 count minus a few bunches used for the original purpose of “baby wiping”). These wipes rock all other wipes. I have been using them for about 7 years and never have I been disappointed. They cleaned up all the dried waterfalls, every finger mark and booger smear, all kids of unrecognizable sticky spots, the islands of black gunk, AND did a great job on the dashboard as well! I praise the maker of this handy invention! Kirkland wipes will forever have my allegiance! Well, as long as I need a mini-van that is.
We have decided that we’re not going to get a minivan.. we want to get something like the Murdercycle that Dethklok owns.. its a motorcycle with 4 side cars.. its 100% awesome
Don’t pay any attention to my husband… motorcycles with four side cars are NOT family-friendly vehicles…
I can completely relate to your entire tale. It seems that I may need to invest in some Kirkland’s baby wipes.
I recently entered the car of a childless friend, and she apologized for her car being “a disaster”. I had to fight the urge to laugh hysterically at her, because there was absolutely nothing messy about her car except for a tiny bit of dirt on the floor mats and a little dust on the dashboard. I begged her never to go anywhere in my car!
Oh, the fabled Minivan. I have a feeling that my future will involve not only one of these personal buses but also the mess that comes with it…thanks for preparing me, Min.
Thanks for the ode to the kirkland wipes! I couldn’t live without them. Just the idea of living in another country where they don’t exist or I couldn’t afford them even if they did exist frightens me to no end.
We haven’t crossed over to the minivan side quite yet. 3 kids can (AND WILL!) fit into an SUV. One more though and we may have to cave. Man!
But despite the “cool” factor we have going on, our SUV is just as cruddy as your van. Trust me.