I need a goal… And want to be a great artist… And I need my kids to ALL be in school
So here’s the thing… I want to complain. I want to yell at the sky for my present life’s situation… And the situations of others’ lives that are struggling to be made right today. I want to complain about how disorganized I am. I want to whine about how I am SOOO ready to get a break on a daily basis. I want my kids to be on the same schedule so that they are all out of the house at the same time for at least a little while. I want to feel motivated to make something out of my life. I want to change lives. I want to yell out “ARTIST FOR HIRE” and hope someone will believe me. I want to make things that people enjoy looking at for years to come. I want to feel like I have it together in some way. I want approval. I want to feel like there is more in my brain that half-hearted meal planning and the dreaded call of laundry beckoning me to do something with it (wash it, dry it, fold it, put it away, wash it, dry it, fold it, put it away, and again and again…) Most days I am fine. But today, I just feel BLEH.
So, I need something to reach for. I need to feel like I am needed in someway. I want to create. I want to be needed to create. I want to feel some freedom in my day and expectation in my talent.
I need time to produce projects and research and practice my skills. But time is the one thing I can’t get. It just isn’t available. Of course, I could find some time… like an hour here or there, but that is not enough to truly delve into an art form and really feel it flow.
Forgive me for this silly post… that is if anyone is still listening… I am hoping someone out there will again some day if they are not now. And maybe find me some work… Not that I have a lot to offer. I just want to make some money doing something I enjoy… Ideal job for all huh? Not a lot of money, just something to symboliize that I accomplished something. The money really isn’t the thing… The accomplishment is. The feeling that there is worth in what I create. In fact, if I could make paintings for orphans with no money, but a true sense of valuing something beautiful, and if it meant earning nothing but respect that would be worth something to me.
I have mush brain… I can’t think clearly to plan my life. I can’t help but wonder just how much brain-power I will ever have if I don’t have much now.
So, I am going to start with a new blog. Now if I can just actually accomplish this I would be getting somewhere.
“I want to yell out “ARTIS FOR HIRE” and hope someone will believe me.
I really like that sentence a lot. Please keep trying all the doors; the best one WILL open. Someone will believe you…I am glad you are writing again.
I hear your heart… you are not alone. my living room full(yes it really is)of unfolded laundry, sympathizes. I feel like I need a 1950′s wife that I’m married to in order to be successful at the domestic side of marriage with Fred. I pray for time for you to create!
P.S. I like the second new look much better, the other one popped to much!
THanks for the comments…. it is nice to know that people read this even after months of me doing nothing. i feel guilty for complaining. but it is off my chest now so i will do something interesting next… the site will evolve over time into something very cool.
well, Meags, at least you have a job that brings some sense of accomplishment. there is always stuff at home that never gets caught up on. but I am sure Fred appreciates all you do.
Jess, always nice to hear from you! and yes, there is a door somewhere.. i just need to find it.
Hey Mindy – always glad to read something from you. I like the new site design too.
You have so much potential. I am looking forward to what you create, and I pray that your acts of creation fill you with joy and fulfillment and avoid becoming just more tasks that you feel that you are inadequately completing.
thanks peaj… you have a gift for encouraging others.
Wow, Mindy. Thanks for your honesty and transparency in this post. I’ve actually got a similar post going up this Sunday on my own site.
You and I really must be brother and sister, cause we are from the same pod if ever two peas were.
It is frustrating. The lack of time. The lack of space. The insurmountable issue of doing when it seems nothing can be done, not for lack of desire but lack of everything else–lack of the environment through which a desire can manifest itself. It’s terribly difficult to want to create, to use that wonderful god-like aspect of our being and be completely unable to do so by virtue of the life situation in which we find ourselves.
Frankly, I fight this battle as well. The need for more time. The need for time, uninterrupted. It’s a difficult one, to be sure.
You are in my prayers; and while I cannot guarantee how God will respond to them, I can promise he’ll hear them–not that I’ll be telling him he doesn’t already know.
Please keep updating and posting as you work through this and move closer to finding your goal and the means to achieve it.
i think part of our problem is a family of lax motivators. we just have a hard time getting ourselves to do things.
thanks for your prayers… I love ya man!!