Memories
No, not the song from Cats… But the ones that haunt us… Sometimes in good ways, sometimes not so good. There are times when I want to just go back in time to when things were simple… Easy. Life was uncomplicated with responsibilities. Having fun was par for the course. Time was my own. Spending time with friends was a given. Going for a hike in the snow with my best friend (who later became my husband) who let me be me and come alive as a person… And getting lost in the whiteness of the landscape and not caring because even if we never found our way out we at least were together and that was all we needed right then. Looking back I see this journey that just seems so short but I know is full so many changes. Life-sized changes. If time was my own now I would seize moments like that again. I would make life happen… But now I am very familiar with how life has happened to me. It seems like there is always so much to get done. So much to re-do phyiscally (housework, schedules) and to re-do emotionally (meeting the needs of others, sorting through the pain of the past). Sometimes I just wish that wishes could some true… But I would need an endless supply because I can always think of something else to wish for. For today, I wish the dishes would do themselves and the vacuuming too. I would also wish for friends who lived next door. And I would wish for peace in a heart that feels so much it just seems easier to shut down and feel nothing. I would wish for the abiltiy to play the piano and sing my heart out and somehow let go of feeling so much at once. Like I said an endless supply of wishes… I guess what more could be expected in an imperfect world.
