Pouring Your Heart Out
Sometimes I feel like pouring out too much. Most of the time I pour out too little. The other day I poured out my heart like hot lava… It was so pure and dangerous I had to delete the entry. There are some things people know about us that we don’t realize ourselves. And then there are things that others will never realize about us. We all have treasures locked away. Keys that unlock our hearts. And keys that lock our hearts up. A blog can be the place for that, a canvas to express our ideas in metaphors and ideas without necessarily being blatant about what we hold inside. I supposed that is what creative writing is at its best. At least that is how I use it… Sometimes.
I wish I had the keys to unlock a lot of people. The right words and the energy to reach out. I wish I knew what made them tick and what it takes to get them to trust…
It seems I have friends that span the scope:
some who reach out to me with genuine care,
some who know I am always there,
some who catch up in a note or two,
and some who hold back through and through.
We hold out the keys
Some take them and run.
I hand you my heart
But the return is none.
I wonder and wait
You act cool and calm.
You live in your bubble
You find your balm.
The choices we make
Make us instead
We all take big leaps
And rethink what we’ve said
It seems there is always a time and place.
It seems we all fall in to the same grace.
A real friend is the one
Who holds our heart high
A true friend we let in
They know deep inside.
Sometimes we’re low
Alone once again
But mostly we all
Just need a true friend.
So, that’s my ditty… An itty bitty ditty. Why not?
The Maintainer
So, we were working on the mural last week when these two guys that work for Septa came walking up the tracks and over to us. They were all decked out in their work gear: bright orange shirts, jeans, hard hats, and work boots. They began talking to us by saying we were risking a lot doing graffiti out in mid-day sun light. We laughed and told them what we were up to. Then, still donning their hard hats and reflective sunglasses they offered us some good old train yard hospitality. Telling us we were welcome to use their bathroom, drink their coffee, or just take a break in their hang out called “The Tower” which was about a 1/2 mile down the tracks… Secluded from, well, everyone in the world. We said thanks and changed the subject. Anyway, in the end the lead guy, named “The Maintainer,” suggested that we throw him into the mural as a guy being tossed by the wind. Cute… But most likely we will just throw in a version of his hard hat. After all, its his turf and he should have some affinity to the painting he’ll be walking past everyday for how ever long he works there. So, that’s the update for now…
I missed the last mural paint time and they started the “Starry Night” swirls without me. I was really bummed out since that was the part I was looking so forward to. But, what’s done is done. And at least I can say they are taking it from my illustration (…that Mayor Vance Funk himself thought was pretty good and he was excited to see it go up). So, you can’t have it all. In the end, its gonna be awesome and I hope you all get a chance to check it out!
The Newark Train Station
So, below are the pictures of where I will be painting. There are a handful of us working on it and it is coming along slowly but surely. Due to a family wedding, a stomach bug, and my own kids fighting off sickness I haven’t been there in a week or more so, there may be some progress that I am unaware of. If you get a chance stop by and see it transform! You can pull in to the parking lot at the Newark Train Station next to the old Chrysler plant. And walk past the ticket booth and down to the platform.
The Mural Wall
The stairway from Route 896 down to the platform where the wall is
The trains go whizzing by on these tracks... quite loudly!
Oh the Places You Will Go!
Illustration for Submission
Today is my day… my birthday that is. And a fine day to finally blog about something. There are many things I could write an entry on like my age… or my shifting time in life… or what I am learning about myself and the people around me. But I am going to write about something else: the biggest project of my life. Literally.
A few weeks ago I saw this class listed in the Newark Arts Alliance Class program: Sept. 17-Oct. 1st, 3 Thursdays, 6-8pm plus additional time painting a mural outside on the weekends. Mural Workshop for Public Spaces /102 Taught by Terry Foreman. Ages 14 to adult. Learn how to develop a design concept into a finished drawing that can be presented to a client. Then adapt approved design to a working sketch that is transferred to an outdoor space. Group will collaborate on a single design that includes students individual components that look good together. Design will be painted on a outdoor public space in Newark. Additional painting time will be coordinated by the teacher during times/dates following the workshop depending on weather and students availability. Fee is based on classroom time only.
And now I am working on a mural for the town of Newark, DE. How cool is THAT?! I went to the class figuring there would be like 5-10 people in it. All of us coming in with ideas and eager to grow and learn. But it was just me and one other student the first week. The second week we had to come with our ideas, better yet our “brainstorms” on themes. Well, I was the only one to show up that night. And when I presented my idea the instructor loved it. And thus, the idea for a mural was born. It is growing and taking on life. A new student showed up last week and is helping to sketch some of the items in the mural. Which is cool because she is working within my theme.
The place where the mural will be painted is at the Newark Train Station… On a buttress for the 896 bridge that reaches over the tracks… Where trains of people will go past it ALL THE TIME. I am amazed. One of my life’s dreams was to create a public work of art. To have a chance to brighten someone’s day just because they walked past something I made. And now it will happen. Granted I can only paint in the time I have available. Leaving my “mural baby” at the mercy of those who come to paint when I am not there. But the seriously? Who cares? It’s still my idea.
There is still one major hurdle to jump over before the actual painting can begin. The mayor of Newark needs to see a color sketch and approve of the idea. He may have some opinions, not to mention some ideas of his own. So in the long run my idea may change in some ways. But either way this experience is awesome. A mural! ME?! I am always amazed at what God has for me… Despite my complaining… Despite my choices to give in to being selfish. He still looks after me… He still loves me… He still smiles at me because he knows I am nothing good without Him… and I will always come home to His open arms waiting to take me in and refresh my soul.
A Few Little Things…
Did a few little paintings. Decided I should post them. I think of them as mini fridge paintings. They were fun and easy and, I think, nice to look at.
I am also in the process of a watercolor for my hubby. It’s missing a huge part: the main sailboat. But I feel stuck. I am afraid that if I start it and it comes out wrong I will be so frustrated. I
love the water and the reflection so I am waiting for the same inspiration for the boat. It will come. I just have to wait to dive in and do it.
Creative Time
So, I totally got some time to create the other day… Once the Sears repair guy left that is. (Nice guy, but he had too many details to tell me about our tractor.) Anyway, what a gift it was to be given a few hours on my own in the middle of the day! Everyday of motherhood feels like a day where you have no choice but to give of yourself. If you want your kids to feel secure and happy… If you want your family to have clean clothes and decent meals… If you want to be a responsible person and not some schlep who just gets by… you have no choice but to give over and over all day long. Sure, I know my husband gives all day long at his job too. But I am not so sure I would be valuable in the workplace anyway. I am a bit scatterbrained. And at times rather clueless. So, not a day goes by that I don’t thank the good Lord above that my hubby has a job and is healthy and brings home the bacon. So anyway, back to what I was saying. For some mothers and wives this giving comes easily. For me? Well, it is kind of like swimming upstream. No matter how hard I try I feel pretty defeated. I am an independent creature. I enjoy time alone. I enjoy the freedom of playing some good music and creating something new. (I also really love spontaneously jumping into a project and seeing it through without stopping for ANYTHING. But well, that isn’t very realistic since I have to eat… and four other people in the house are waiting for me to think of something to feed them all too.) The problem is it takes awhile for my muscles to warm up so they are ready to paint. On this particular day I played around on the piano… tinkering with sounds and timing. It was relaxing. It was fulfilling.
For almost 10 years I have been a stay at home mom. At first that is what I really wanted to do. I love kids and find them to be so great to entertain. But well, three kids later and I hardly ever find enough time to work on my creative gifts. It is partly my fault since I never established any “my time” on a regular basis. I just took what I could get and too often I got the worn out hours at night.
Back to the creating… So I painted some little canvases and am excited to finish them. I used some water-based oil paints by Holbein. They were fun to work with but I think it is going to take a lot a of practice to really understand how to use them. I am so used to watercolor that oils are completely foreign. With watercolor you leave the white space of the paper for your light areas, but with oils you just keep building upon the colors and it is like working backward. So, it is just more difficult and they take so darn long to dry! If I get anything finished I will post it.
Not sure if any of this makes sense… But there is some sort of therapy in getting to paint. The smooth lines that drift from the brush… The cool depths and warm finishes some paints leave are so deeply soothing. I love painting. I love seeing the gift God has so graciously given me get put to good use. Today I got to do face painting at our church’s Water Fun Day. I LOVED it! I loved it so much that I think it would be a fun side business. I am already looking into purchasing professional face paints. It isn’t too costly and if people are in the market for a decent face painting artist, well, I can be at their service. I have been needing a fun job and an outlet for YEARS. And well, getting to paint for hours at a time just isn’t happening yet. So, this little business would work out well.
I Need a Life
I need a life. My own life. My own thing. I need to find a way to make it happen… Sooner rather than later. PMS sucks. It really isn’t fair. Up and then down. Fine and then feeling that pull to jump in over board and swim into new waters. Refreshing waters. Waters that allow the gifts God has given me a chance to go somewhere. Balance. Once a month I truly realize how little balance I have made for myself. All or nothing seems to be where I land. Right now? Summer now? It all seems a little too much. Freedom in so many ways. Stuck in so many others. Hmm. A running theme? Probably, because I only seem to blog during PMS. TMI? Maybe. Oh, well. Its all or nothing… Too bad.
Spring Break
So, I need to update this blog soon, huh? Not sure what to say about life these days. It’s a bit unpredictable but I do know that it is in the hands of the God I trust. And whatever comes next is, well, whatever it will be.
Today we were supposed to be going to the beach condo we bought into with some friends a few years ago. Our hope was to rent it out often and make a profit. Well, it hasn’t rented much in recent months, but it rented for this week. The week we were supposed to go down and get some things done. Which stinks because we all really wanted to go. But in the long run it is good because that is what was supposed to happen. Oh well…
Maybe a few day trips can be fit into the week instead.
Here Comes the Sun
So, I love sunshine. I need sunshine. I live for sunshine. Without it every little infraction on the day is quite simply exacerbated exponentially. So I am happy to say the sun warmed my soul today. It lifted my heart and blessed me in some way. I am so thankful for it (especially since my kids can be loud and active OUTSIDE for a change).
This brings me to my newly posted painting. Here is an abstract I painted a year ago or so. To me is has warmth and “galaxical” depth.
What cannot be seen from your screen is the metallic overtones the painting carries. The sun itself its warm with golden luster and the light rings swirling about it are layered in highlights. I loved making the circular motion with the paint brush. If you have never done this I recommend picking up some paints and a good brush and practicing circular motions. It is in some way therapeutic. The repetitive motion simply relieves, refreshes, and gives a feeling of refinement to your muscles… That is until you do it for too long and wear yourself out (something I am not recommending, but to each their own).
It’s interesting how I take on abstract thinking… The sun had a limit. The aura around it does too once it hits the darkening boarder. It’s funny, even in my abstract views of objects I cannot help but find comfort in boundaries. But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Surprise
So, for Joe’s dad’s 60th we all pitched in to get him a nice Nikon point and shoot. I made him a card with a painting of the camera he got. The card read “G-pop you’re 60! So smile…. (inside reads) While you still have your own teeth.” Cheesy, I know. But funny. :)