Fragile
I am learning much about myself on this silly journey in recent days… The journey I was told I was entering but did not want to believe was mine to take. But in these days little sound bites of wisdom stream into my heart… soul… brain, bringing clarification to questions that have long puzzled me within. These things have profound effects on my actions. But they are becoming a part of who I was… and no longer who I am. It seems as though I am unlocking the doors to places I closed down somewhere along the way. It is good. It is revolutionary in my life.
Wrenched
Sometimes life throws a wrench right in to your side. A blunt trauma that knocks the breath out of you and leaves you grasping for something to lean against just to keep you steady as you take it all in. Something so unexpected that it causes you to gasp and hold a hand over mouth. One of those moments when you know that if you were acting it would look so perfect… so real… so pure. A moment that you think “Is this really happening to me? I am really IN this moment?”
That happened to me today. My husband had sent the kids outside to play and then said I should take a look at a letter from my kids’ preschool. It arrived in the same 5×7 manilla envelope all of the school materials arrive in. There in among the papers was a letter to all the parents.
Clayboard
I am sooooooo excited! I tried a new multi-medium art board tonight and it was amazing. Called a “clayboard”, it is made so that it will virtually hold anything on it: watercolor, acrylic, oil, whatever! PLUS, it can be carved in to. So, being that I like to dig my heals in (just ask my hubby about that one!) I got the closest carving implement I could find (in this case it was the metal cap at the bottom of one of my drawing pencils) and started to carve into the board. The idea of the branch happened first. It just sort of flowed out of my hands and became my all too familiar choice of image. But I love vines, branches, trees, leaves, flowers, and rocks… And butterflies, birds, turtles, and bees… Anyway, once that presented itself I set in the watercolor paint which gave a little transparency to the image… Reminding me of stained glass… It wasn’t soft really, so, it chipped a little but actually that made for a cool effect.
Better
The days have been better since the last entry. And tonight I panted my mudroom with some very interesting paint. Keep you all posted!
Maybe
Maybe it was the hot weather drawing us to stay indoors… Maybe it was lack of interesting food choices in the cupboard… Maybe it was the lack of social interaction… Maybe it was the heartache of never being the person I should or could be… Maybe it was the lack of interest in doing anything worthwhile… Maybe it was stillness of our house… Maybe it was the little mites that are living on all of our windowsills… Maybe it was because I seem to fail more than I succeed… Maybe it was the stop sign I neglected to obey… Maybe it was the ticket that came next…
Swept Away (Pic included)
Life keeps flowing like a constant stream… Usually effortlessly moving me along in its currents. Other times the minutes drag on… Moments slip away and new ones form. Sometimes I seize them, sometimes I reluctantly go through them. Whatever I choose there is always tomorrow to live better or to just live through.
One day
So I had a little art time the other day… It was refreshing… Made me wish for full-day kindergarden in our district! But anyway, here is what I did. I am a freak for small, detailed, botanical painting, but I branched out with a not-so-good Vermeer knock-off (it was done in about 20 minutes so, I know I could do better)…
The Mini-Van
Where to begin? Mini-vans in general are ridiculous vehicles that somehow have become the all-american family hauler. We drudge our kids in and out of them for most of their lives and the damage inflicted upon that poor car is immense. How bad can it get, you might ask. Well, it can be down right scary!! I finally got around to picking up all the crud off the floor and vacuuming that sucker out at the local gas station just the other day…
Keep Breathing
Deep breathing is an exercise most people have to learn. I, for one, am a shallow breather and all of the ridiculous sighs I have let out over the years were a sign I never saw. Moments of frustration, or deep overwhelming thoughts, would cause my mind to trick my body into drawing in a deep breath and release it in a loud wind… unconsciously, of course. A sigher, I was. Just as my father before me. His sighs were a sign that things were not going good. My siblings and I were aware that “the sigh” was a sign that things were starting to get out of control. Whatever the event, the control was not in it anymore.